The Biggest Mistake of My life

Just recently, I made a biggest mistake in my life. That feeling that I had right know is really killing me slowly like crazy. I know that they will never forgive me, but what I hope for is for them to accept my apologies. It makes me feel like I don't even deserve for their kindness, they friendship, their hard work for me. Why do I even do that? What makes me do that? Is it my ego? my selfishness? I don't know. And I don't know how many days, months or even years it will takes for them to hate me, to forgive me. But what I already knew is I already receive my punishment for the mistake, and if you still want to punish me, I'll accept it with all my heart.