Family

This is one thing that I suddenly thought when I saw my cousin who just married last friday I think. Well, his marriage is a new news for me when my father suddenly ask me about do I want to join them to go to somewhere (bride's house) and I just thought, "Why would I go there?" and my father said that "It's your cousin, he's getting married tomorrow." And I was just "Which cousin?". I know that this seems like I don't care about my family, but in reality they just did not tell me anything. This kind of situation is what I think is normal especially from my point of view. Why I said that? Let's just say that suddenly my close friend ask me, "Hey, I heard that your brother just got engaged. Why I didn't know about it?" or suddenly my mother tell me that "Your cousin is getting married tomorrow" or "Next week is a big day for your brother, he is getting engaged." This kind of sudden news that always strike me when I away from home, when I have to continue my studies. Not only this, there were also some situation where I knew nothing about when their keep it secret from me and when I ask them what is it all about, they were just "It's nothing. Just don't mind about it." And I was like, "What am I? A wall? Am I not part of this family?" This is what makes me upset and I just hate when people that not part of my family is the first one that knew about my family and me? I am just some part of these family that somehow being left out and only knew about something after some situation happen and I hate that. What I try to say is, I don't mind if they want to keep it secret, but please at least share something even if its so small and please don't let people that not part of our family is the one who know it before me. And whatever it is, family is still family and I still had my respect and love towards my family. 

Anger Management

To be honest, I do have anger issue. I can't control my anger when certain situation is makes me annoyed. Everytime I watch the Angry Bird movie, sometimes I feel that Red and I had a same character that is want to be alone, sometime feel annoyed and mad for no reason. Honestly, whenever I let loose my temper, everyone around me had to feel what I feel. I know that this somehow is selfish, and I only think about it after I release my anger towards my surrounding. Every time, I will ask myself, "why do i do that?", and sometimes I just think that "I hope that I can turn back the time." I have my own issue, and every time I  let loose my temper, "Maybe I should get an anger management." But sometimes I think, "maybe they just try to piss me off." But whatever, maybe I should try to control my anger for my sake and for my friendship relation. 

Who & Who?

There's a lot of time when my friends ask me this type of question; "Do you remember her/him?", "Do you know him/her?". This type of question is what I hate about. I do remember people, but not all of them. It's not like that I do that on purpose, it just become like that. When the time pass by, and I rarely sees that person, I am gonna start to forget their face or their name. But for a person that I always sees, I'll maybe remember their face, their name or either one. My friends always ask me; "How can you forget about them?", "They were our friends at school, how could you." This is what they always says when I respond to them "I don't remember." or "Maybe I remember." From my view, I don't want to remember peoples because they will eventually forget about me. And that why I always easy to forget about people. Is this seems like cruel? I don't know, I always think that maybe even if i remember them, they maybe did not know me or even know my name. 

FYP

A day before the flight, my class suddenly had a briefing about our Final Year Project (FYP) for our next semester. When our lecture, Mdm Nurul Huda said that we need to submit our proposal on September, my mind going blank because I still don't know what kind of FYP that I want to do. I don't know what kind of FYP that I should do. since my course is International Relation, I guess that we have different type of subdivision that I can choose like politic, economic, human right, refugee, security, theory and practice and many more. But honestly, this type of thing is what I feel weak the most. I don't know how did I survive for the past 4 semester and hope to survive for the next 2 semester without extend.Not to forget, I have final exam in the next 3 weeks. well, hope to survive the final exam and then focus on my FYP.   

Sorry

A word that I never been though seriously before, I started to learn it when I came to University. A word that I never knew will become so important whenever we need it. A word that I never knew would become a curse word for me. A 'Sorry' word, even though it seems very important, we can say that not all these problem can be solve with 'sorry' word. My experiences say it all. And honestly, even though I already say sorry, but some maybe take a long time to accept it and I don't mind about it because it is my mistake. My mistake that become the cause of my friendship to fall apart and I don't know how to fix it. But somehow I hope that something like this will never happen again. 

Mistake + Lesson

Peoples won't learn unless they making a mistake. With the mistake, they learn, take it as an experience and hope that one day they will never repeat the same mistake. Sometimes, people is full of surprises. Why? Because when we expected them to react the way that they usually do, it become opposite from what we were expected. We may think that they will get upset and mad at us, but it turn out to be that they forgive and accept your mistake. Some may even takes time to accept it or maybe won't accept it at all.  

A Little Secret

Can it be a secret anymore? Who should I trust the next time I shared my secret with? Are they gonna use the little secret to attack me back? should I share my feeling again next time when I had something on my mind? Maybe I should be careful when try to share my problem or secret to people. Or maybe I should never tell anyone anymore about my problem? Keep it inside and never tell anyone about anything no matter what. 

The Biggest Mistake of My life

Just recently, I made a biggest mistake in my life. That feeling that I had right know is really killing me slowly like crazy. I know that they will never forgive me, but what I hope for is for them to accept my apologies. It makes me feel like I don't even deserve for their kindness, they friendship, their hard work for me. Why do I even do that? What makes me do that? Is it my ego? my selfishness? I don't know. And I don't know how many days, months or even years it will takes for them to hate me, to forgive me. But what I already knew is I already receive my punishment for the mistake, and if you still want to punish me, I'll accept it with all my heart.    

It's Been a Long Time Since

Over the past few years, I had been gone through a lot of things as a student, a friend, a daughter and a sister. I learn a different things from different person/individual. But somehow, I don't know how I'm suppose to live in the reality when I graduate since what I have gone through right now is only a little because I know that one day that there's gonna be more difficult challenge for me to face in the future. When? maybe today, maybe tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, I don't know. What I know is I have to get ready for everything no matter what.