Extra Little Family

Today is a day about my second little family that join my family ever since 2009 maybe. Hachiko, the name that given from my family to him after we watch Hachiko movie that inspire us to give the name since he still didn't have a permanent name that day. Hachiko, the name that given with hope that he will be loyal, cute and lovingly cat for our family. It's kind a hard for me to beg to my father to adopt Hachiko actually and I actually made it. Ever since that day, Hachiko become part of my life and I have to be honest, sometimes I do bias when involved with Hachiko. Until today, we only have 3 cats in total even though we use to have other 4 cats that gone due to healthy reasons. There is a lot of reasons why I love cats and it is unexplainable. But if we started to not only like but love not only cats but other animals, it is hard to not to feel sorry for them. Honestly... Just give them the love.

    

It's been a week since my final exam and I have to be honest, that exam is literally killing me. And due to the unstable internet, I can't even update my blog. For my break that took maybe about 2 month or more, I have to focus on my final year project, that I did not know what to do. Not to forget, I were suppose to share about my other 2 cats, and due to the final exam back then I had to focus more to my exam instead of my blog. Whatever it is, my final year project is the most important thing and there is no semester break for me. Maybe...

Curse Memories

I think it’s been almost a month now, and seems like everything is start getting back to normal, like the way it used to be. The one who seems to be upset because of my mistake is now seems to forgive me. And that is good news to me whereas I don’t have to feel awkward and feels like want to stay at library for the whole day or maybe sleep at library. Although that everything now is back to normal, maybe I’m the only one who is find it hard to forget something especially when I am the one who mess up. It seems like the guilt feeling is still haunting me, it makes me hard to forget about what happen a month ago. It does haunt me even when I took a final exam paper just now. Sometimes I do remember it when I spend my time with them, and somehow those memories keep coming back to me and it is makes me hard to forget it.   

p/s: I have final exam for this 2 weeks, so... yeah... hahahahahaha

Our precious family member

Meet Chombo. My family precious cat that had been together with my family for about more than 14 years now. We first had him ever since he is a little kitten and when we move to a new house, of course we brought him together with us, Before him, we had a siamese cat that look like him with the same name, but the cat were gone and never went home. My mother had a dream says that our late Chombo were leave us by airplane. Maybe that's a sign that he's no longer with us. After that, our female siamese cat name Chombi were pregnant and has a kitten and one of them is our Chombo that we had now. It's 2016 now, and Chombo, we can say that he is one old grumpy old man. He is a silent type of cat that did have a lot of demand, always OK with other cats that come to visit our house for food and of course always wait for their food patiently. Chombo is the only cat that we had after we move to our new house, and only after a few years after that we had a new family member. 

Family

This is one thing that I suddenly thought when I saw my cousin who just married last friday I think. Well, his marriage is a new news for me when my father suddenly ask me about do I want to join them to go to somewhere (bride's house) and I just thought, "Why would I go there?" and my father said that "It's your cousin, he's getting married tomorrow." And I was just "Which cousin?". I know that this seems like I don't care about my family, but in reality they just did not tell me anything. This kind of situation is what I think is normal especially from my point of view. Why I said that? Let's just say that suddenly my close friend ask me, "Hey, I heard that your brother just got engaged. Why I didn't know about it?" or suddenly my mother tell me that "Your cousin is getting married tomorrow" or "Next week is a big day for your brother, he is getting engaged." This kind of sudden news that always strike me when I away from home, when I have to continue my studies. Not only this, there were also some situation where I knew nothing about when their keep it secret from me and when I ask them what is it all about, they were just "It's nothing. Just don't mind about it." And I was like, "What am I? A wall? Am I not part of this family?" This is what makes me upset and I just hate when people that not part of my family is the first one that knew about my family and me? I am just some part of these family that somehow being left out and only knew about something after some situation happen and I hate that. What I try to say is, I don't mind if they want to keep it secret, but please at least share something even if its so small and please don't let people that not part of our family is the one who know it before me. And whatever it is, family is still family and I still had my respect and love towards my family. 

Anger Management

To be honest, I do have anger issue. I can't control my anger when certain situation is makes me annoyed. Everytime I watch the Angry Bird movie, sometimes I feel that Red and I had a same character that is want to be alone, sometime feel annoyed and mad for no reason. Honestly, whenever I let loose my temper, everyone around me had to feel what I feel. I know that this somehow is selfish, and I only think about it after I release my anger towards my surrounding. Every time, I will ask myself, "why do i do that?", and sometimes I just think that "I hope that I can turn back the time." I have my own issue, and every time I  let loose my temper, "Maybe I should get an anger management." But sometimes I think, "maybe they just try to piss me off." But whatever, maybe I should try to control my anger for my sake and for my friendship relation. 

Who & Who?

There's a lot of time when my friends ask me this type of question; "Do you remember her/him?", "Do you know him/her?". This type of question is what I hate about. I do remember people, but not all of them. It's not like that I do that on purpose, it just become like that. When the time pass by, and I rarely sees that person, I am gonna start to forget their face or their name. But for a person that I always sees, I'll maybe remember their face, their name or either one. My friends always ask me; "How can you forget about them?", "They were our friends at school, how could you." This is what they always says when I respond to them "I don't remember." or "Maybe I remember." From my view, I don't want to remember peoples because they will eventually forget about me. And that why I always easy to forget about people. Is this seems like cruel? I don't know, I always think that maybe even if i remember them, they maybe did not know me or even know my name. 

FYP

A day before the flight, my class suddenly had a briefing about our Final Year Project (FYP) for our next semester. When our lecture, Mdm Nurul Huda said that we need to submit our proposal on September, my mind going blank because I still don't know what kind of FYP that I want to do. I don't know what kind of FYP that I should do. since my course is International Relation, I guess that we have different type of subdivision that I can choose like politic, economic, human right, refugee, security, theory and practice and many more. But honestly, this type of thing is what I feel weak the most. I don't know how did I survive for the past 4 semester and hope to survive for the next 2 semester without extend.Not to forget, I have final exam in the next 3 weeks. well, hope to survive the final exam and then focus on my FYP.   

Sorry

A word that I never been though seriously before, I started to learn it when I came to University. A word that I never knew will become so important whenever we need it. A word that I never knew would become a curse word for me. A 'Sorry' word, even though it seems very important, we can say that not all these problem can be solve with 'sorry' word. My experiences say it all. And honestly, even though I already say sorry, but some maybe take a long time to accept it and I don't mind about it because it is my mistake. My mistake that become the cause of my friendship to fall apart and I don't know how to fix it. But somehow I hope that something like this will never happen again. 

Mistake + Lesson

Peoples won't learn unless they making a mistake. With the mistake, they learn, take it as an experience and hope that one day they will never repeat the same mistake. Sometimes, people is full of surprises. Why? Because when we expected them to react the way that they usually do, it become opposite from what we were expected. We may think that they will get upset and mad at us, but it turn out to be that they forgive and accept your mistake. Some may even takes time to accept it or maybe won't accept it at all.  

A Little Secret

Can it be a secret anymore? Who should I trust the next time I shared my secret with? Are they gonna use the little secret to attack me back? should I share my feeling again next time when I had something on my mind? Maybe I should be careful when try to share my problem or secret to people. Or maybe I should never tell anyone anymore about my problem? Keep it inside and never tell anyone about anything no matter what. 

The Biggest Mistake of My life

Just recently, I made a biggest mistake in my life. That feeling that I had right know is really killing me slowly like crazy. I know that they will never forgive me, but what I hope for is for them to accept my apologies. It makes me feel like I don't even deserve for their kindness, they friendship, their hard work for me. Why do I even do that? What makes me do that? Is it my ego? my selfishness? I don't know. And I don't know how many days, months or even years it will takes for them to hate me, to forgive me. But what I already knew is I already receive my punishment for the mistake, and if you still want to punish me, I'll accept it with all my heart.    

It's Been a Long Time Since

Over the past few years, I had been gone through a lot of things as a student, a friend, a daughter and a sister. I learn a different things from different person/individual. But somehow, I don't know how I'm suppose to live in the reality when I graduate since what I have gone through right now is only a little because I know that one day that there's gonna be more difficult challenge for me to face in the future. When? maybe today, maybe tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, I don't know. What I know is I have to get ready for everything no matter what.